Pulling through 1-26

My grandma pulled through. I still don’t believe it even as I say it out loud or type. Everyone thought she was on the verge of death in the ICU and by the grace of God she recovered. I say grace of God because i’m not sure what else it could be. I don’t really believe in luck. I mean, I believe we look lucky. But I feel like luck usually is associated with things like running into the right person or catching a green light. In which case it is a happy coincidence. When it comes to being on the verge of death though, luck is too small. It doesn’t really express the gravity of things. At 18 I had a spontaneous pneumothorax. Which means my lung collapsed for no reason. I had no idea what was going on. At first I thought I pulled a muscle at work. My shoulder was killing me. I didn’t realize it was the hole in my lung. I slowly started losing my breath and it became harder to walk around or stand for any given period. I even called my mom to see if I had a heart attack. Why am I sharing this? I wonder what you get out of this. Am I bringing value to your day? Maybe my miracle story will inspire but I’m not sure. Maybe you just think I’m lucky. I finished my day of work though. Which makes me picture you shaking your head. I even drove my Nissan Sentra, with manual transmission and no power steering, all the way home and then to my girlfriends. When I got to my girlfriends we went on a walk. I didn’t even make it 50 feet. I stopped and almost dropped trying to catch my breath. She wanted me to go to the doctor but I resisted because of pride. She wouldn’t finish the walk and made me go home, which probably saved my life. I went to bed and probably should have died in my sleep. In the morning I told my mom and she took me to the hospital. When the doctor listened to my lungs he told me, “you either have really bad pneumonia or your lung collapsed.” My response? “Well, at least they are good options.” He wasn’t amused. The x-ray showed my left lung was more than 60% collapsed, my upper body was filling with oxygen. When I told the ER doctor it started 24 hours ago he told me I should be dead. I remember being on the table cart thing and aaking not to get any needles. I pass out. The nurse said I didn’t have a choice, she stuck the IV in and I passed out. The next thing I remember in looking to my left and seeing blood. A lot of blood. I remember hearing voices and then blacking out. I spent the next week in the hospital as they used a chest tube to try and suck the air out of my chest and get my lung to repair itself. It is one of the fastest healing parts of the body. Mine wouldn’t do it though. They ended up having to do surgery and staple it shut. I still have scars. My girls play with them. Not really play but they feel them if my shirts off. I’m not sure they understand what they are. Maybe when they are older they will. I wonder if they will understand how close I was to dying. How close they came to not existing. I think the only reason or maybe just the main reaso. I survived is so they could be. Something or someone wanted them in this world. Maybe you don’t believe in God, which is fine. But I do. I believe a higher power has some sort of plan. Maybe I don’t do it all, but I couldn’t do any of it if I were dead. Free agency is a funny thing. Not funny haha. But there are so many different stances on it. Like a woman I know who thinks God already determined her every move. That we get to choose but that he already decided what our choices would be. Which to me is a huge contradiction. If god decided what I will do and be, how is it my choice? I think we choose our path. God just chose where the different path could lead. I can choose to be a good person or a murderer. Those paths lead to very different places based on morals and laws. The morals were given to us, programmed into us in some ways. They made the laws, in some cases. What a rabbit hole this could be. If you made it this far, let me know why. What can i do for you. What value can I bring your life. Here I am talking religion and belief. I’m no scholar. Just some dude with a smartphone, wordpress and the ability to type. Thanks for pulling through this one.

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