My grandma is in the hospital with pneumonia and was put on a resperator tonight. I am having a hard time staying calm. I love her so much. She has always been supportive me and my family. She has always told me to achieve my dreams. She has always been genuine. She is a spiritual woman but also veey real. I am trying not to cry and wake up my family. It’s 1:55 Am. I feel like I could cry for days and she is still alive. The thought of losing her. Losing her seems so likely. I don’t think I can travel. Not in time to see her before she passes. My wife is pregnant and we have two kids. She would want me to stay and take care of them but I still feel guilty. I still feel like I need to be there. I can’t afford it right now though, even if I could leave them. I hate not having extra money. I hate being in debt. If this isn’t motivation to pay off the last of it, I’m not sure what is. I miss my grandma. She makes the best food. I wosh i knew more about her child hood. I wish I knew about her and her families journey from Mexico. The sacrifices they had to make to ensure the beat future possible for my family. She is such a strong and amazing woman. I miss her. I love her. I can’t get the tears out of my eyes. I want to hold her. I want to tell her she is going to be so happy when she sees my grandpa. I want to kiss on the forhead. I want to hear her laugh. I want to do so much and I can’t. I love her… i love you grandma.